Washington D.C. (ARssociated Press) The Food and Drug Administration today ordered an immediate alert and product recall of Pepsi Wild Cherry lot number QT0391RUK35 that poses an immediate threat to the consumer. The product has apparently been tampered with by a disgruntled emplyee. Use of the product causes the consumer to regress to the age at which they lost their virginity.

Police have arrested Oni Louder, a part-time canning floor worker and wizard, who they allege cast a spell on the product after being fired by the company for sleeping on the production line. Louder is being held at Central Jail after being charged with felony product adulteration.

One victim of the product was Amanda Britton (37) of Tujunga, California who, after drinking the product, was regressed to 3 years of age. Asked to comment on her sudden change, Britton said, "Me wet. You change me?" After being interviewed by police, Britton's cousin, James Evers (50) was taken in to custody on suspicion of child molestation that occured 34 years ago. The incident occured when Evers baby-sat Britton in 1966.

In other reports, the White House has refused comment on reports that President Clinton had been reduced to eleven years old after exposure to the product. Reports also had the President's wife, Hillary, flying back from New York to apply appropriate discipline.

Consumers are urged to return any unused product to the point of purchase for a refund of the purchase price. A spokesman for Pepsi stated that affected consumers would also be mailed coupons for a free package of Pampers, if needed.



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