Consumers will be pleased to know about the expanding variety of services than can now be obtained over the Internet. For instance, when Ursula overheard her live-in boyfriend Steve secretly make a date with another lady over her cellphone, she was furious. Steve had been caught cheating on Ursula many times before, and after each he promised to reform. But he couldn't keep his word. Ursula now believed he needed to be punished!
Imagine her surprise when Google took her to the Online Voodoo web site. Download a picture of your cheating boyfriend onto the virtual voodoo doll. Then select from assorted punishments, like pain through pin pricks to the arms and legs, fire to the feet, head shrinking, even a pliers to squeeze the (ahem). "Too tame," Ursula thought. So she looked under "What's New." There was a new selection: Age Regression. Ursula selected it. A window popped up. What age? Ursula entered "1-year-old."
On hitting "Enter," the site released the voodoo spirits, who didn't have to travel far to find Steve. He was primping before the mirror in Ursula's bathroom. The spirits attacked with vigor, causing Steve to rapidly regress into his clothing. Within minutes, Ursula found the now baby Stevie, still flailing to escape his Jockey shorts.
Ursula lifted Stevie from the floor and stared him point blank in his tiny face. "Poor baby! Disobeying Mommy," Ursula mocked. "Looks like little Stevie is grounded," she added. Not only did Stevie miss his date that night, but at Ursula's hands was diapered, cooed, fed strained rice cereal and Enfamil, and tucked beddy-bye. Several times! Stevie kept trying to escape, but Ursula kept returning him to bed until he tired and fell asleep.
In the process, Ursula discovered that she liked being a
Mother.
So in the morning, she returned to Online Voodoo and altered the
"Time Limit" setting. She then called Stevie's place
of employment. "He won't be in today because he was on the
bottle all night and is in no condition to do his job," Ursula
said as she put a fresh nipple on an EverFlo nurser. "Will
he be in tomorrow?" the receptionist asked, as a loud cry
emerged from the bedroom. Ursula smiled, and realizing that her
errant boyfriend will now be spending long quantities of quality
time with her without distractions from other women, replied,
"No! More like 20 years."