When I was sent to the orphanage, I met Ms. Burns and Ms. O'Hara, the administrators. They were beyond staid. They cared only about maintaining order and decorum, to the point they wouldn't let us kids have any fun.

Sure the facility had a playroom, but the administrators barred us from using it, fearing we'd create a mess. After a day of schooling, we were allowed to do only homework and chores. They even did what they could to stop us from improvising our own fun. No goofing around at meals. No playing tag, tossing sock balls, or just running around -- especially in our underwear. And woe on you if you used furniture other than for sitting on.

But I stopped all that. Sneaking away one day, I got some elixir packets from a nice old man at the mall, and a gun for propelling paint balls. I zapped both Ms. Burns and Ms. O'Hara, and it reduced them to around my age, in the early grade school years. Their personalities changed. As Tasha and Colleen, they no longer demanded order.

They first insisted that we join them jumping on the furniture in their underwear. "It's fun," they squealed. Then they opened the playroom. But still thinking themselves in charge, they selfishly commandeered any toys they considered their personal property, no matter who was playing with them at the time. The other orphans complained. So I got two more elixir packets and zapped the two again. They became 3-year-olds this time.

But within hours, state inspectors arrived. Finding no one in charge, they brought in two new administrators, who were more benevolent than Tasha and Colleen, who as toddlers continued to insist that they were in charge. The new administrators found this amusing and condescendingly rebuffed the two, who reacted by whining and pouting.

The goal of us orphans is to get adopted into loving families, so it was galling that the first two kids to get adopted under the new regime were Tasha and Colleen. They were just too cute as toddlers. Tasha went to a family that already had four older children. Colleen went to a childless carpenter and his wife. As they left, the two stared back at us, with stunned expressions on their faces -- like they didn't know how lucky they were!

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