Once there was a selfish young woman named Pandora Nicole Smith. Blessed with more pulchritude than any other woman in the kingdom, she shamefully flirted with all the men. And they responded to this double-barreled 42DD pulchritude by showering her with gifts and riches while totally ignoring the other women. Feeling dejected, the other women were reduced to wailing to the North Star for justice.
One day, a thin angular-featured man flew in on the wind carrying an ornate box. Arriving at Pandora's door, he said, "I am Quicksilver, and I present you with this box. Its contents will make you even cuter than you are now, and better liked, even by the other women in this kingdom. But I must warn you that you do not want to experience what is in this box and under no circumstances should you open it."
After Quicksilver left, Pandora decided to ignore his warning and open the box. Any improvement to her already superior person was worth the risk. But opening the box released more than a million flies, which covered Pandora from head to foot. As Pandora flailed, the cloud of flies diminished in size, and when they flew away, all that was left of Pandora was an ordinary 2-year-old girl. Checking inside her shirt, Pandora cried, "My pulchritude is gone! Those buggers even made off with my WonderBra."
Suddenly, a crowd of women burst into her home screaming, "Isn't she cute! So much cuter, I want to do things for her. Let me change her diaper! But only if I get to feed her her bottle. Me first! No me!" Unable to outrun the maternally instinctive women, Pandora became the most cared for and babysat female in the kingdom. And thus, all the women - though not necessarily Pandora - lived very happily ever after.
(This fairy tale is based on an idea submitted by the Women's
A-Cup Auxiliary of Mars, Pa.)