Yesterday I made one of the biggest mistakes of my life. I turned my mother into a baby. Since then it's been nothing but a living, wide-awake, never-ending nightmare! It's all about her! I can't stand it anymore she's driving me crazy. She's all: wahh, wahh, wahh, gimmie my baba. Wahh, wahh, wahh, pick me up and carry me everywhere. Wahh, wahh, wahh, change my Pampers. Wahh, wahh, wahh, feed me some slimy orange goop. Arrrgggghhhh!

I thought it would be great, when my best friend, Melisia, told me about this magic formula that I could mix together from common household supplies. A little baking soda, a little dish soap, a little moldy cheese. Stir in a bowl and microwave for five minutes. TA-DA! A quick and easy age-reducing drink. Just pour and drink. Watch the years fly off!

What total B.S. Melissa is such a nerd. I should have known there was a catch. I should've asked Melissa if the drink was so great, why she hadn't used it on her own Mother? I shouldn't have used so much dish soap, making my Mother too young to use the toilet by herself!

My Mother should be waking up from her nap soon. Do you want to see her? Sometimes she's even kinda cute. And she doesn't drool and poop all the time, I swear. After you see her, could ya do me a favor? Take her to live with you? Please?



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