Ad proof for Winter 2001 issue of The Sorcerer's Quarterly. Submitted to: Watkin's Products Inc., 13 Witch Way, Salem, MA 01970.

Andrea Tober, 8, of Denver, suffered severe stress after her parents divorced and her father remarried. Both her mother Elizabeth and stepmother Victoria wanted her to spend the most time with them and do what they liked. Elizabeth was into the arts, and put Andrea into ballet, art and music lessons. Victoria liked outdoor activities, and pushed Andrea into soccer, softball and camping. And when Andrea protested, they only redoubled their efforts. Andrea was exasperated. Then she bought some Watkin's Tonic in the 24-oz. family size. Several judicious doses later, Andrea (center) now has two 8-year-old friends named Beth (left) and Vicki (right), and they like doing what she does. After school, they meet in Andrea's bedroom to talk, giggle, listen to the Backstreet Boys, practice new dance steps, and play with their Barbie dolls. Being the same size, they also swap clothes. Andrea now has a happy stress-free childhood ­ thanks to Watkin's Age-Reducing Tonic. A 24-oz. bottle is $34.95 in our mysteriously hidden shops in malls everywhere.

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