An important message to the air-traveling public by Trans-Ocean:

Hi! I'm Ramona, and I'm proud to be a stewardess with Trans-Ocean Airlines. And I'm doubly proud that Trans-Ocean now offers the most trouble-free flights, thanks to the addition of new equipment to pacify those few passengers who fly into drunken and/or violent rages while aboard our aircraft.

While many airlines are adding handcuffs and nylon restraint ropes to subdue those individuals whose nasty outbursts can ruin a quiet flight or even endanger other passengers, Trans-Ocean goes one step further. Each of our flights now carries an electronic AR gun. Now whenever a passenger goes on a rampage, we'll immediately zap 'em into infancy. Its fun to watch these misfits regress, as their clothes drop off while they strike looks of terror as they realize what is happening. And you'll cheer after the process is complete, as the nearest stewardess hoists these once scary menaces up by their legs and gives a slap on their rears to remind them of their new status. All that is left for our stewardesses to do is diaper them, place them in a special infant's seat, plug a pacifier into their mouth to end their bawling, and send a photo of them in their new conditions to every e-mail address in their pocket organizers!

We take the greatest care in maintaining peace, order and safety on all our flights. And Trans-Ocean also is happy to announce that effective immediately, each flight now has a stewardess who is a licensed wet nurse. Thus, those passengers we are forced to pacify will still receive our complimentary beverage service.



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