Confession by Cosmo T. Roundheels (was age 54, now age 1), recorded November 9, 2000:

"I may not look it now, but a month ago, I was the head food taster with the World Gourmet Society. It was my job to determine the best of the best restaurants in the world by bestowing the Society's Golden Fork on those whose chefs prepare the most unusual yet tastiest dishes.

"At that time, I was in the process of decertifying L'Bistro Bruquena, whose head chef Theodore had apparently lost his touch. His Roast Hippo Bladder Flambe was served a bit dry. The Jellied Armadillo Brains in Kumquat Butter was more sweet than sour. And the Ecstasy Dressing on the Himalayan Spinach Salad who just too bland.

"Theodore whined, 'You cannot do this to L'Bistro Bruquena. We have been Forked for over 25 years.' But I refused to change my ruling. 'At least do not rule until you've tried by special dessert, Botswanian Mince Pie with Local Spices,' he pleaded. I tried it. It was tasty. But then my stomach began to burn. And then I began to shrink into my clothing. I ended up peering at Theodore through the second and third buttons of my vest.

"Theodore grinned. 'And now you are through as head taster. For years, you have toyed with me and other chefs like an evil baby smashing its toys against the bars of its crib. Those special spices in the pie have made you one for real.'"

"Admittedly, being a baby has some disadvantages. Diapers, even so-called tailored disposables, restrict your leg movements, and keep your bums clammy for hours. But there are some advantages. Since I became an infant, my taste buds must have greatly improved. Everything is now delicious to me. And I mean everything. Oh, that noise you hear is my wife-turned-mom yelling at me to stop what I'm currently eating. But hey, don't knock toilet paper until you've tried it!"



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