Testimony by Gail Grissom (age 4), recorded June 13, 2002:

"Of course I was upset when Mommy ordered Daddy out of the house, then tried to explain to me she was going to get something called a 'divorce.' She said it was because she no longer loved Daddy. All I knew was that I'd no longer have Daddy around, and I'd miss him. I didn't want him to leave. Fortunately, I gained the services of Genie.com, who sent me a genuine Arabic jinn to grant my wish.

"I asked the genie to remake Daddy so Mommy would love him again. He assessed the situation and declared that Mommy seemed to like little kids more than adult men. So he waved his hands, and the next thing I knew, Daddy was back in the house, only he was now 4-years-old like me! I really liked this. Not only could he be my Daddy, but also my playmate. But Daddy hated being my age, and began yelling at the genie in language Mommy would never allow. 'We must correct this,' said the genie.

"The genie again waved his hands, and suddenly Daddy was now 18-months-old. He was now so cute! The perfect little brother. I thanked the genie! But Daddy was not happy. After noticing I was now taller than him, could overpower him, and worse, he was now wearing a diaper with Barney pictures on it; he let out with a loud cry and a cascade of tears. If only the genie knew Daddy was a bigger fan of Spider-Man. 'Youthening him to a preverbal age didn't work,' the genie said as he checked a handbook that he produced from nowhere. 'Ah-ha!' he stated when he arrived at the proper passage.

"The genie once more waved his hands, but Daddy didn't change. 'This should work. I have repositioned your father into your little brother. Now your mother will not expel him, as no mother will expel their own child,' grinned the genie. And it worked. When Mommy walked into the room, she didn't scowl at Daddy. She smiled lovingly. And Daddy smiled lovingly back. 'Mama!' he screamed as he toddled up to Mommy, who picked him up and planted kisses on his now tiny head. I thanked the genie, who left.

"I'm very happy that Daddy will now remain at home. I'm sure Daddy is too, although I wonder if he still remembers being a grownup. I mean, he did stop smiling when Mommy sudden unbuttoned her blouse and lowered the bra cup. And he did wiggle, kick and try to push himself away as she pulled him toward the breast. And he did have that weird look on his face as his cheeks vibrated and made those slurping noises. But I'm sure he doesn't really mind. After all, we're going to remain one big happy family!"


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