Mr. Right

By ARthur

Eric and his buddies were laughing it up at the coffee shop, telling lies about each other's prowess as Romeos. "I can talk any woman into dating me," Eric boasted. "No you can't," buddy Tom sneered. "I sure can! It's all in the technique, m'lads. I just smile my little boy smile; act innocent, steer the conversation so that she sees I'm putting her on a pedestal. And then I get what I want," Eric replied. "I'd like to see you do it," Tom added. "Just show me the gal. Any gal! And if I don't do as I said, I'll buy you all lunch for the next week," Eric boasted. Tom pointed to the plain Jane sitting across the room.

Eric walked up to the woman and introduced himself. To his surprise, her name was Jane. He poured on the hesitant little boy act, while burying Jane in flattery. And it worked. "Of all the men I've met since coming to town, you're the most perfect I've seen. You may be Mr. Right," Jane gushed. Eric grinned back. "Why don't you come with me and spend the night at my place. I'll make it worth your while," Jane added. Eric accepted, and as the two got up to leave, Eric turned around to give his chums an O.K. hand signal.

After stopping briefly at Eric's apartment to get a few items, the two proceeded to Jane's rented house. Within minutes of arrival, Eric emerged from Jane's bathroom in his pajamas, already drafting a scenario for the night that would begin with he and Jane cuddling before moving on to more serious matters. But Jane stopped him short, instructing him to sit in an IKEA chair. "I first want to take your picture," Jane said. "Why?" Eric wondered aloud. "Just a quirk of mine. Please sit," he said. Eric complied.

Eric glanced at what Jane said was a camera. He looked somewhat different than the photographic equipment to which he was familiar. "Modern design," Jane said, adding, "Now smile!" The flash went off, and Eric noticed something amiss. His pajamas now seemed a little large on him. Looking sideways at a mirror, Eric at first mistook the reflection for his high school senior photo. But it seemed to move with him.

"Needs a little adjustment," Jane said. "Okay, let's try that again," she added as a second flash occurred. Eric noticed that his pajamas again fit, but that mirror image. "Looks more like a 12-year-old. My eyes must be blurry from the flash. After all, I just turned 30," Eric thought. "One more," Jane said as the flash again lit the room. Now Eric had a really strange sensation. His feet were now dangling off the chair, not quite touching the floor. He waved his feet and his slippers flew off. The reflection looked like an 8-year-old boy. "Strange," Eric thought, but he couldn't put his finger on what was amiss.

"Smile! Smile again," Jane chirped as she again produced a flash. And now, Eric's feet stopped far short of the floor. He noticed that he no longer filled the chair as he did when he sat down. The reflection looked like a kid in kindergarten. "One more time. Smile, Eric darling," Jane instructed as a flash again appeared. As the artificial light dimmed, Eric's down stubby little feet no longer hung off the chair. They were curled before him, and he had plenty of room around him. And the mirror showed a baby.

Puzzled, Eric posed a question to Jane, "Gaaaa geeee!" Now Eric was more puzzled, especially since Jane was now right before him, looking as big as a Macy's Parade balloon. "Aw, cute little fella," Jane chirped as she rubbed her hand atop Eric's now tiny little head. Realizing something he couldn't understand was wrong; Eric began to quiver his lower lip. Tears began to well in his eyes. But big lady Jane made things all right. "Here's something to keep you occupied," she said, dropping some toy animals before him. Eric brightened up. He continued to sit on the IKEA chair, playing, even sucking on the tiny toys. So occupied, he hardly noticed the man who emerged from a bedroom.

"Did you get it on tape?" Jane asked. "It's all there," the man replied. "Didn't I tell you this guy was perfect? Less than 10 percent of people have the genetic chemistry right for being affected by the rejuvenation radiation. And after looking for the right test subject, he approaches me seeking an ego boost, using all the cliché date pickup lines," Jane giggled. "And with the same, showing him growing younger with each blast, we'll be able to sell this rejuvenation ray for millions. Let the buyer find out it only works on a fraction of humans," the man laughed.

"But what about baby boy here?" the man added. Jane began to giggle uncontrollably. "I can't help it! In the diner, I heard him brag how he gets dates by putting women on a pedestal. Looks like I returned the favor," she chuckled. Jane then added, "You know, he's much cuter now. And more harmless. I'll keep him. I always hoped to have a son that cute," she noted. She scooped up Eric, placed him on her lap, and began to cuddle the infant. Eric responded with by cooing happily until a horrible thought entered his tiny noggin. He was now entering a long-term relationship with a woman; something he promised he would never do as an adult. But he wasn't an adult. But, but. "Waaaaaaaa!" baby Eric yelled with every ounce of breath in his lungs. "Go warm up a bottle," Jane ordered her cohort

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