Zappy Birthday

By ARthur

GWEN: Huh! It's my 40th birthday today, but nothing from my husband Willy. I'll bet he forgot again. Just once I'd wish he'd get me a gift or something special. But there he is, asleep on the patio chair as usual.

JOAN: Oh, maybe Willy has a big surprise for you this year, to make up for past years. And Hey, what's that over there? Looks like a festive box with blue and white markings. Do you suppose?

GWEN: Yes, it is a box, sitting right on that flower box. Didn't see it there earlier. Let's me look inside. Hey, look at this. Looks like a miniature flashlight. But this label. It reads: "Time/Space Molecular Zapper. Point it at anything and change it to what you desire. Product of Io." Where's that?

JOAN: Maybe some island somewhere. Couldn't be from that moon of Jupiter. Let's see you try it out. What to change? Oh, look at those weeds in the flowerbeds.

GWEN: I hate weeds. I wish I had roses instead.

JOAN: Oh my gosh! As soon as you said that, the weeds morphed into roses. This is weird and wonderful. What else needs changing? Like, over there in the patio chair?

GWEN: You mean Willy? He used to be cuter and handsomer when he was younger. I wish he were younger. And, oh my gosh. He is getting younger. Still younger. More younger and, oops, overshot! Stop! Stop!

JOAN: Oh wow! Willy looks like a teenager. A sleeping teenager. Say, as long as he doesn't notice, did you ever wonder what he looked like as a kid? You said he had no childhood photos because of the flood damaging his boyhood home.

GWEN: Yeah, why not! I wish Willy were younger still. 15, 13, 11, 9, 8, 7. Hey, this is taking on a life of its own. Stop! Stop!!

JOAN: (Giggle) Look at Willy. He can't be older than 2. And he's sitting in a clump of grown-up clothes. Aw, poor baby!

GWEN: I can fix that. Shirt, pants, socks, sneakers, go! Heh, they did! Gee, I might as well go all the way! Undershorts, morph into a diaper. Wow! That was quick!

JOAN: Aw, Willy fell asleep with a cigar in his mouth. But he's too young to smoke now.

GWEN: Cigar, morph into a pacifier! Wow! It did. This is great fun. Now to get a photo.

JOAN: Great, Gwen. You can kid him with that for years. (Giggle) But maybe you ought to restore him before he wakes up.

GWEN: Right! Restore Willy to normal. Er, nothing happened. Turn Willy back as he was! Still nothing. What's wrong with the Zapper? Wait, a small light is flashing. A message: "Operational time depleted. Please deposit another 10,000 zolotis."

JOAN: What's a zoloti? I never heard of it, yet where to get it. You think Willy is stuck as a, well, you know. Ack! He's starting to wake up.

WILLY: Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

JOAN: Gwen, do you suppose Willy needs a charge, or is it time for his 4:00 feeding?

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