I made an amazing discovery while driving in the country. I saw a sign advertising a yard sale and stopped. Amid all the junk on the lawn, my attention was drawn to a large cardboard box, one big enough to hold a washing machine. But this box was covered with dials and buttons drawn in black crayon, all suitably labeled as to their function.

"I can let you have that for $100," a man behind me said. I turned around and found myself looking at Sam Watterson, the cartoonist who once drew "Calvin & Hobbes." He explained that everything depicted in his comic strip was based on reality, and that the box was the Transmogrification Chamber that Calvin occasionally used to turn himself into a giant, or bug creature, or owl. I chuckled, then bid only $10 for the box, contingent on Watterson autographing it too. He said, "Sold!"

After depositing the cardboard box in my living room, I went to bed. But I was awakened by strange noises after midnight. Stumbling into the living room, I came face to face with a mean unshaven thug, who pointed a pistol at me. "Where are your valuables?" he demanded. "Only that box," I nervously replied. When he scowled, I suggested he check inside. And after crawling into it, I closed the side flap.

"There's nothing in here. In fact, its crowded in here," the burglar growled. Deciding to see if the box really was a Transmogrification Chamber, I told the burglar, "Just a minute." I then checked the markings and, not seeing what I wanted, I grabbed a crayon and drew a numbered dial. Moving over an arrow and attaching it to the new dial with a center thumbtack, I shifted the arrow from the dial's highest reading to the number "1."

"Hey, its roomy in here now, but my clothes got very big," the burglar complained. So I drew new buttons on the box and pressed several. "What in hell? All my clothes disappeared but my underpants, and they feel weird now, and seem to have a plastic coating. Wait'll I get my gun!" the burglar threatened. So I quickly drew new pushbuttons, pressed two, and I heard the burglar let out a falsetto shriek.

Hearing no further speech, I opened the side flap of the box and pulled out the blanket on the box's floor. With it came a diapered 1-year-old baby boy cuddling a stuffed animal. The new controls I drew on the Transmogrification Chamber worked as I expected, turning the burglar from big and threatening, to small and playful. And it will be a long time before that burglar terrifies anyone else.

I then formed a wicked grin on my face. Rushing to my front lawn, I posted a sign. It read: "Attention Burglars! Plenty of Valuables Inside!!"



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