Monologue by Suzanne Kryl (was age 41, now age 8), recorded March 8, 2001:

"When my teen daughter urged me to appear on a segment of The Mortie Potash Show entitled 'Make My Mom Stop Dressing Too Sexy,' I just laughed. She said by appearing I could be made sweet and innocent again. But I know they only give you a fashion and cosmetics makeover. Afterward, I could go back to dressing in my same sexy clothes and continue to pursue every man in the trailer park.

"On the program, Mortie first brought out teenagers, who tearfully described how embarrassed they were of their mothers' too-revealing clothing and flirtatious behavior. He then brought out us mothers, and did we ever put on a show. One of us was so extremely plump she resembled an overstuffed sausage in her halter-top and skimpy shorts. We all wiggled our big cabooses at the camera, and talked in crudest of double entendres, which further nauseated our kids.

"Then Mortie sent us mothers backstage to receive the makeovers he promised our children. We chuckled that it all was in vain. We were beyond reform. But backstage, we were greeted not by a fashion consultant from Vogue, but by The Amazing Abdullah with his glass onion.

"That's me in center of the photo with the other mothers after we returned to the stage after our makeovers. Hmmmm! I guess you can be made sweet and innocent again. I just wish it didn't involve a return to the third grade, and having to submit to being raised by my own daughter. She's a humorless disciplinarian!"


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