Rant by Kate Maus (was age 25, now age 4), recorded April 7, 2001:

"You may remember skinny me in all those Alvin Cline clothing ads. They really liked that emaciated look of mine. So chic they said. So I always maintained an underweight body. But others didn't like my appearance.

"One night, I was visited by at least a dozen fairy godmothers, all of whom represented teen girls who were trying to replicate my starved appearance. In doing so, the girls had become anorexic and were in poor health. The fairies pleaded with me to set a more positive example by eating more, and thus develop a more healthy and rounded body, and put the girls on the road to better health and self-esteem. But I dismissed the fairies, saying my emaciated look was my fortune.

"So the fairies huddled about what to do. I could hear them chatting and laughing. 'It's the perfect Maus Trap,' one of them tittered. They then confronted me and announced that if I wouldn't voluntarily adopt a more sensible diet, they would alter me so I would have to. If I didn't, I would regress not only in weight, but also in size and age until I did.

"I laughed at them, but it soon became apparent that every day I was getting lighter, shorter ­ and younger! When I reached 11-years-old, scared out of my wits, I began to increase my diet. But it wasn't enough. I only slowed the process. So I began eating more and more, until I finally took in enough calories daily to stop my slide at 4-years-old.

"But I now fear that if I stop, I will start regressing again. In fact, I can feel myself slipping even as we speak. So if you don't mind, I'll finish this second helping of strawberry whip cream birthday cake ­ quickly! Oh yes, do look for me in my new ad campaign, modeling Little Miss Zaftig plus-size girl's dresses!"

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