Monologue by Nike Zaporowicz (was age 51, now age 2), recorded March 2, 2001:

"Gangway! The morning's still young! I've already pushed my bowl of Farina off my highchair to the floor and poured milk from my sippy cup on Mom's head while she was cleaning up that mess. I also pulled the cat's tail, causing it to jump onto the breakfast table and upend (and track around) a bottle of maple syrup. And after Mom finished putting me in this cute pink dress for going out this morning, I pulled it off and left a sleeve in the spilled syrup. Now I'm running through every room in the house like a junior maniac before I spend time jumping on my bed until the support boards give way again. And if I can get these tights and diaper off, I'll conclude with some naked running on the front lawn.

"Why am I causing my Mom such grief. You see, her name is Heather, and she was my daughter. But then Heather talked mw into volunteering to test this experiment youth treatment for a payment of $50,000. She said that at 51, I could stand to shed a few years. But the treatment proved too powerful, and it turned me into a 2-year-old girl. So the researchers said they'd give the $50,000 to whoever agreed to be my parent. Heather eagerly volunteered. Now she's trying to be as strict with me as I was when she was young.

"But Heather, as a young girl, was a little dynamo bordering on monsterdom, always getting into mischief, causing messes and such. She wore me out. I always scolded her, wishing that when he finally grew up and became a mother, she'd have a child just like herself. Well, I'm not about to make myself a liar. It's payback time! We're reversed rolls. So excuse me if I run, and... Oooops! Just some rickety table. Nothing on it but a few Llardo porcelain figurines. Bye now...!"


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