Let Him Eat Cark

By PixChick

Country girl Marilu was madly in love with Floyd, a young law enforcement officer from the big city. Floyd wanted to propose marriage, but Marilu was bound by local traditions not to accept without approval from the head of her family. And since the deaths of her parents, that was her older brother Vance, who saw the pending nuptial destroying his easy way of living.

"I will not approve of you marrying that city boy unless he reimburses me for my loss of having you in this household to cook, clean and support me, after you move with him to the big city," Vance said. "But Floyd is still repaying his college loans. He has no money to spare," Marilu pleaded. "Then I cannot approve the marriage, as you must stay. Your duty is to your immediate family first," Vance said, adding, "I have spoken."

Angered that Vance's selfish and childish behavior might jeopardize her future happiness, Marilu took her problem to Granny Sykes, a wise but eccentric old lady known in the valley for her strange remedies to ordinary ailments. "Let him eat cark," Granny advised. "You mean cake?" Marilu said. "No, cark! And here's the recipe. But I must warn you that this is only for your brother. It is addictively tasty, and you eating it with your brother will not solve your problem," Granny emphasized.

Marilu found the ingredients easy to find, including a special type of moonshine distilled in the nearby hills by the Grebbs Brothers. She cooked the cark in a special pot, and left it on the stove unattended, knowing that Vance always sampled her cooking while she was still preparing it. She watched for several days as Vance cleaned out the pot before dinner was served. And soon she noticed the cark having an unusual effect on Vance. He had begun to grow smaller (and younger) with each passing day.

To Marilu's surprise, Vance didn't notice what was happening to him. As it became harder to reach the cark pot each day, he began to push a chair over to the stove. Marilu abetted the deception, anticipating how much smaller he'd be by morning, and borrowing from neighbors clothing that would fit him just for that day.

One morning, the only clothing Marilu had for Vance was a Pampers. Vance seemed embarrassed, but also extremely puzzled as to why he was being diapered. But Marilu redirected his thinking by announcing that Floyd was coming to finalize wedding plans that day. "Well, he better agree to my conditions, or I won't approve of no wedding," Vance squeaked. But as he toddled from the bedroom, he saw the pot of cark cooking on the stove. By then, he was so young that it took a chair, a breadbox and the telephone book to reach the pot. But he was soon eating his fill of the delicious cark.

"Howdy, Marilu," Floyd boomed as he entered the kitchen. And after a long kiss, Marilu walked Floyd to the stove. "This is Vance, and because his parents are gone, I'm taking care of him," Marilu explained. Upset by this inaccurate and incomplete information, Vance began to explain who he really was, and his terms for approving Marilu's marriage to Floyd. But his words now came out pure infantile gibberish.

"Talkative little fellow, isn't he?" Floyd noted. "I think he's telling us he's hungry. You want to feed him his bottle while I finish dinner?" Marilu suggested. Floyd agreed. "My but you're cute as the dickens," Floyd said as he lifted Vance from his stove-side chair. Now a 15-lb. infant no longer able to speak adult, Vance squirmed and kicked to escape Floyd's grip, especially after he found himself secured in Floyd's lap, and the nipple of the baby bottle being pushed through his lips. A short struggle later, Vance surrendered and concentrated on downing the 8 ounces of Similac, all the while looking plaintively at Marilu. "Good boy!" Floyd told the baby as the last of the formula vanished down his throat. "Y'know, I would mind being daddy to this darling little squirt," Floyd added.

Marilu then put Vance over her shoulder and energetically patted his back. "With you so young, I'm now head of the family, and I very much approve of my marrying Floyd and moving to the big city. But cheer up! I'll still be cooking and caring for you, and Floyd will be supporting you. Not as you envisioned it, but suitable to me," she smiled. To that, Vance let out in a voice tinged with resignation, "Burp!"


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