Conversation with Eddie Elmquist (was age 41, now age 1), recorded July 3, 2001:

"Ya see anything ya like? Hey, don't look funny at me like that. Of course I can talk! Now do ya wanna buy any of the clothes on the line? I'm selling them because they no longer fit me since my wife turned me into a baby.

"You're looking funny at me again. Look, I'm just a victim of the times. In the 1960s, Buddy Hackett told a joke about a man caught wearing a woman's girdle in the locker room at a country club. Asked how long he'd been wearing it, he replied, 'Since my wife found it in my car's glove box.' Well, I had a similar indiscretion with the opposite sex, except that my wife found a pair of plum-colored Victoria's Secret lace bikini panties in the glove box. But being a modern woman, my wife didn't force me to wear them as punishment. She instead referred the case to some secret sisterhood, who used sorcery to fix me so I couldn't do it again for quite a while.

"So whudja say? Like that brown suit? Some of the shirts are Calvin Klein. I gotta Thomas Pink silk tie. Whud they cost? You got shiny new coins? Somehow, I really like shiny coins since I got younger and... Eeeek, the wife! She doesn't know I can still talk. Thinks its part of the punishment, so... Goo goo gaa gaa blixle..."


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