Colton Labs was tired of being battered in the press about its polluting the Green River with chemicals some claimed could cause "unknown strange physical effects on persons who come in contact with the river's waters." So they hired public relations genius Jay Walters-Thompson, who told Colton, "A man has to stand on his own two feet and fight all his own battles with everything he has. That is what you must do with the media."

With the approval of Colton management, Jay staged a big media gathering downstream from Colton's plant, where he claimed the water was safe. And to prove it, he would take a swim in the river.

Jay doffed his robe, revealing his 26-year-old body with a Mr. Universe-like physique all wrapped in a Speedo, and jumped into the river. He swam around for many minutes, several times diving under the rapidly flowing waters. Emerging triumphant from the river, Jay couldn't understand the disturbed murmurs made by the assembled media. That is, until he looked down and saw he now had the body of a somewhat plump 4-year-old boy.

"Do you have anything different to say now about the chemicals Colton dumps in the Green River?" one reporter asked. The usually assured and self-reliant Jay replied, "I want my Mommy!"

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