A long time ago my ancestors were born. For centuries they were persecuted; burned at the stake, drowned, stoned and just generally hated and feared. Slowly this fear diminished, and we became the nemeses in Fairy Tales. They turned us into caricatures; cartoon figures, with green skin, warts, big noses and pointy black hats. Ohhhhh...how that image makes me seethe and boil! They made the real witches, my friends, relatives, compatriots, ME! disappear! No one pays much attention anymore. No one believes in witches. This, I'll admit, has certain advantages, i.e. no more burning at the stake. But... a little fear among the populace can be helpful. It keeps those pesky, immature mortals in line.

When I tell someone I'm a witch, they shrug. Shrug!? It's a crime when being a witch is seen as being no different than being an Episcopalian. What the Hell is this world coming to? Or they ask if that means that I practice Wicca. What unabashed, unmitigated, presumptuously outrageous nerve! Wicca is Witch-craft light. It is only practiced by mortals as a form of adventurous, in-your-face feminism.

No, I am a real witch. I have been alive since the 1750's. Which makes me a mere adolescent, among us witches. And let me tell you that this teen witch is sick and tired of babyish mortals.

This is why the other day when two particularly immature and rude business women came into my sandwich shop (hey, even witches have to make an honest living nowadays) and bossed me around, complained about the food, then left a huge mess on the table and no tip, I froze them in their tracks as they walked out. Then quickly turned them into the two howling infants you see in the picture. I haven't decided if I'm going to raise them or not.

Two-hundred and fifty something is probably to old to change two pairs of dirty diapers, breast-feed two suckling babes and put up with all this crying. Ohhhhh...these two are giving me a headache already and I think one of them just peed on my leg. Oh well, they may still be obnoxious brats, but at least, at their age, that behavior is acceptable.

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