JESSICA: Forgive me if I squirm and twitch a little as I talk to you. I think I just wet my diapers. It's kinda hard to tell, they're so thick. Now,mmmmmmm..let me think...What was it you wanted to know? Ohhh, right. My story. Well it's really the story of Tanya and me, we're nearly sisters.

It all started twenty-five years ago, when Tanya and I went to this squeaky clean sandwich shop one day for lunch. We were on our lunch break and really didn't have much time. I suppose at that time we were really not very nice people. You see we cared about getting ahead and were obsessed about all the wrong things. Rush rush rush. Money money money. That's all we knew and all we focused on. So I guess that day we were rushing and did not think about other people's feelings. Like the owner of the sandwich shop for example. Pardon my French but damn that was the biggest mistake we ever made.

We were barely out the door when the strangest thing happened. We couldn't move. Not an inch. Not even a finger or toe. She had us-that God Damned witch! Pardon my French again. She had cast some spell or something and we were her captives. We didn't know it but we would never get away from her, at least not for another twenty years.

Then something even stranger happened. We began to melt. Well, it felt like that anyway. All of a sudden my ears were no longer where I was used to them being they were lower. Or I was lower, and my ears just fell into place. Then it felt as if I was riding a quickly descending elevator and my body shrunk down to meet the floor. I found myself laying on the floor, nearly naked and still unable to move. Then the ice melted and I could move again. I of course tried to get up. But found that I couldn't. In fact all I could do was squirm and wiggle. So I did. Kicking my legs and pounding my fists in the air and making the only appropriate sound I could. Which was a loud intensive crying. For you see that Bitch, pardon my French, had made me into a helpless baby again. Both me and Tanya were no more than three months old!

So we were laying there crying our eyes out when the witch came over and picked us up. She later on adopted us and raised us as her own. Only thing was though, that spell she cast on us? It was set so that we would never be able to be potty trained again. We were doomed to wear diapers long after all of our peers would be dry big kids. She, the Wicked Witch of the East, our new Mommy, just told everyone that we had some sort of biological problem with our bowels and bladders and that was that. We spent our second childhoods mostly ignored, when we weren't being bullied and teased. Boy, when you have to go through what me and my sister did, Boy, you really become a much different person. Much more humble.

Growing up wasn't fun, but now that we are finally on our own again it's better. Tanya changes my diapers and I change her's and we stay away from people, mosty. Don't see our Mom a lot. I guess that's it. Can we go to commercial I really need a change?

LARRY: We'll be right back after this with your calls.

Fade to commercial.


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