Ad proof for Summer 2000 issue of The Sorcerer's
Quarterly
Submitted to: Watkin's Products Inc., 13 Witch Way, Salem, MA
01970.
Zhanna Koslov, 38, of Queens, NY, was raised on a farm in
Belarus,
but that didn't prepare her for dealing with her American husband.
Walter loved his groceries so much that since their marriage,
he has grown from 205 lb. to 438 lb. Due to an injury Walter suffered
in the Navy, he requires his wife's help to get up from chairs,
beds, bathtubs, etc. But despite his wife's pleadings that he
make this job easier by losing some weight, Walter continued his
expansive diet. Zhanna's back was in constant pain. Then she got
some Watkin's Tonic in the 24-oz. family size. One bottle later,
Zhanna (her hands) can now easily move Walter (in hands) anywhere
he wants, and she also saves tons of money on food and clothing,
the latter of which she no longer has to buy by the yard. Zhanna
no longer feels pain - thanks to Watkin's Age-Reducing Tonic.
Sold in mysteriously hidden shops in malls throughout the U.S.
and Canada, and forgotten kiosks in the former Soviet Union.